Went to visit a good friend of mine Steven in Bolton at the weekend, with another good friend of mine Ade. Ste cooked us a meal of chicken (something) and roast potatoes which was damn good then we went out for a ’couple of pints’.

ste ade

It all started so well, there was beer and chatting and after a while there was a quiz machine and I turned into a hyper-active chimp slapping the screen at any opportunity and getting it right maybe a quarter of the time. Then there was more beer and I can’t remember who suggested it, but then there was shots. After that things start getting hazy.

I remember Ste on a fruit machine and there was a huge screen with Italian football. Kirsty rang at one point, bringing the sledgehammer realisation of how drunk I was. There was another bar, and dancing although I seem to remember we were the only people in the bar dancing (I remember thinking it was a shame that more people weren’t - uungh!). Then we lost Ade and we were in another bar, then I staggered out onto the street and found him cursing us on the corner nearby. I think then we went back in, maybe there was more dancing (I use the term loosely). I think I remember asking a DJ somewhere if he "had any Frank Sinatra", and being politely told "No"

"oh that’s a shame ... Sammy Davis Junior would do ...?"

And then finally .... we were in a casino. Again I’m not sure how we got there, but considering how Ste’s attachment to the fruit machines had increased alongside his drunkenness I have a fair idea. I was asked how old I was (you need to be 21 to get in). What I meant to say was:

"Yes, I’m older than 21, in fact I’m actually 26 right now soon to be 27. Yes, [chuckle] I know with these boyish good looks it’s hard to believe"

What I actually blurted out was “I’M TWENTY ONE!!!!” and then had to do a lot of back peddling and showing of drivers license in order to save the situation. I remember staggering sideways at one point and thinking, bugger I’ve blown it, but apparently drunk people’s money is just as good, and we got in.

There’s a lot of say about the casino, but I’ll leave that for another time. Basically:

  • I’d never been to one before
  • I became convinced my every move was being monitored like I was in some Las Vegas mafia movie
  • They seemed delighted to bring plates of free sandwiches even though I wasn’t playing and didn’t make a single bet all night

Ade and myself ended up leaving Ste to it on a Roulette table and wandered off to get a kebab (painfully hot chile sauce - I’m serious, it was physically painful) and went back to his flat where we fell asleep in front of Pulp Fiction on DVD.