Yesterday morning I got up and opened the back door as usual, but instead of two little furry cats bundling their way in there was only one. Little black cat (Cocoa) was no where to be found. I didn’t really think much of it coz they often come in a bit late but I rattled the food bowl and did my usual shouting (I’m trying to train them to come to the sound of my voice - Kirsty has it down pat and I’m jealous).

I made sandwiches and had breakfast and was surprised that by the time I was going back upstairs she still hadn’t appeared. I mentioned it to Kirsty (who was just getting up) and she seemed concerned and went down and did her shouting thing but without success. We continued shouting and looking while generally getting ready but we both had to leave for work, so we left the cat flap on its get-in-but-not-back-out-again setting (it’s a funky cat flap) and left.

Yesterday was a very strange day, it was the first time one of my friends from back home was coming up to visit us in our ‘new’ home (he was arriving at 6pm), it was also the first day since we’ve moved in that they decided to cancel all the trains from Leeds to Ilkley (forcing me to get a heavily delayed one to Bradford and then change) and it was the first day of Kirsty playing softball with her new work mates (she had gone there early straight from work and had to wait quite a while before they turned up).

So the events in order of appearance.

• I turn up at Leeds Station and find my trains are cancelled.
• I ring Kirsty tell her, she’s almost at Roundhey Park (the softball place, apparently).
• I ring Ste, he’s making good progress and will be at our house quite soon. I tell him about the trains.
• I wander into the Information Booth and am told that there’ll be a coach laid on from Shipley (that’s one stop down the Bradford line).
• Kirsty rings to say there’s no one turned up yet for softball.
• I wait on the platform for Bradford train.
• Ste rings to say he’s made it to the house, we decide he should wait in the local pub.
• Kirsty rings again, still no one there (she’s feeling a bit nervous about it), she suggests she should forget it and drive home to meet Ste for me. Just as this happens they announce a platform change and everyone charges off to the new platform carrying me with them.
• I get onto Bradford train and I think I hear an announcement to say there’s now a coach to Ilkley leaving from Leeds but I’m not sure so I stay on the train. Kirsty rings again, looks like some people have arrived but she doesn’t recognise them. I tell her to stay and play softball as I’ll be home soon enough and Ste’s in the pub.
• Bradford train leaves Leeds.
• Ste sends a text message ("Have I got time for another pint?")
• Kirsty rings again, she’s rung the softball organiser and he’s on his way.
• I ring Ste and tell him to have another but that I should be home before long.
• My train pulls into Shipley station, and there’s an announcement to say that there’s actually a train coming through in two minutes that’s going to Ilkley.
• Platform is crowded with people. I hope I’m going to get on this train. A train pulls in from the wrong direction. We’re told it’s the next one which will be the Ilkley train.
• Kirsty rings. She’s had a phone call from the vets. Cocoa was knocked over by a car last night and killed.

That’s it. That’s just how it happened. Bang! Everyone busy, loads of things happening, me worrying about being maybe 30mins late home, jostling for position on a busy platform.

I’m not going to go into how it feels right now, I’m not completely sure I know yet. I do know it feels bad, really really bad.

Cocoa

All this to the tune of the song ’Desperado’ by The Eagles (but sung by Johnny Cash) going round and round in my head.